Those were the words to sum up what Mike and I were reading about our marriage: it'll never work. More accurately, it said something like, "The best thing about the relationship between these two types of people is how quickly it will end."
Mike came back from an around-the-world trip to Cambodia and Africa and so bedtime had been earlier for us both as he got readjusted. A few nights, for whatever reason, Mike decided to look at some really terrific personality profile information we've enjoyed for years. If the doctor in me could give a little plug, I will tell you that the best personality inventory out there, hands-down, is the Myers Brigg Type Indicator (MBTI). The reason it is so amazing is the sheer volume of decades and decades of research behind it. It is an incredible tool for understanding, and really enjoyable, so if you've never taken it, we both would highly encourage you to do so. (You can google MBTI or Kiersey Bates and you will have plenty to start with.)
Anyhow, when I was in my master's program in the second year of our marriage, we took this test for a class of mine and it was massive to us in helping us understand why we struggled in the ways we did. Because it was so huge for us, Mike memorialized it by having sweatshirts made for each of us with our particular type on it. We still have them to this day, 16 years later! The shirts show that we are opposites.
Yep, Mike and I think, process, emote, take in information, and reenergize completely differently. Yet, contrary to the author of the article who said it would never work, we enjoy a genuinely great marriage.
Praise the Lord, for sure.
Actually, that's the truth -- we praise the Lord, for without understanding His perspective, peace, and purpose for our marriage, we would be doomed. However, in His grace, He has taught us a few things which have been integral to the true love we have now. Here are some.
Forgiveness is a lifestyle critical if marriage is going to work.
We never know what tomorrow holds, so stay in today.
Choose to focus on the good in your spouse rather than on that which you would want to change.
When in doubt, check it out. Assumptions kill relationships.
We can either trust what a person says and does or believe they are not being honest.
Seeing each other through the eyes of Christ will eventually transform your perspective.
Check your expectations of what a good spouse is.
Don't compare your marriage to others.
It's kind of funny, because right before Mike started perusing through the personality type information again, we had been asked to do a radio interview on marriage (to air on Valentine's Day - 880AM WRFD, Saturday at 1:00). I think God wanted us to have a poignant reminder that with Him all things are possible and without Him, there is no hope.
Some days more than others we can see how tough - okay, awful - a marriage with our personality preferences would be if we didn't have Christ. We are living proof that we - or anything about us, including our relationships - are literally nothing without Him!!
Seriously, you all will be on the radio this weekend? I can't wait!
This is the second time this week that I have heard God say to me, through a blog, "see your husband the way that I see him, not how you see him."
I, a faulty human being, see my husband tainted with mistakes making me want to scream. Not God. He sees my husband as a man who is working his tail off to provide for the family that he loves with all his heart. How easily I forget that.
Thank you for being that voice, once again, that is telling me exactly what I need to hear right now. Thank you.
Posted by: Ali | February 11, 2009 at 05:53 PM
can you please wear those sweatshirts to church someday? I love it! I pray to find what you and Mike have one day...An inspiration to many! Thanks Tammy!
Posted by: Morgan Nameth | February 21, 2009 at 04:34 PM